GIG GIGGLES by Zoot : Episode 2 Print E-mail
Written by Paul 'Zööt' Williams   
Wednesday, 30 September 2009 16:13

zootjumperTygers Of Pan Tang - Maesteg 7777's - June 1987

 

 

I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw that Tygers Of Pan Tang was playing a gig not far from where I live. It was in a May edition of Kerrang that they were playing in Maesteg in June, so I was on a mission. I phoned up Fred Day's mini bus service and booked the old twelve seater from Abertillery to Maesteg to see this band that influenced Metallica.

 

 

I will never forget that day. It was so hot, my Anthrax longsleeve was sticking to my back and my sack was stuck to my left leg. We rendezvous (Tygers Of Pan Tang joke) at the Mitre as usual and drank piss for a couple of hours and lost money on the Quiz Master machine (how the fuck am I supposed to know who the president of Gambia is?) then jumped on the bus. The bus was full - me, Johnny H, Twin Paul, Twin Andrew, Greavsy, John's mate Russ (who was a great laugh) and a few girls. We set the sat nav, which was John's finger telling the driver to go that way, and we were off.

 


On the way, the driver asked us where in Maesteg the place we were going to was. We told him it was a place called the 7777's Club (Four Sevens Club). He said "Ok, fine" and we got there in about three hours even though it was a one hour drive. We asked local people if they could tell us the way to the 7777's club and in a deep Welsh accent they replied "Just up by there on the hill". We thanked them and drove to the top of the hill and stopped outside the club. We got out and we pissed everywhere. Twin told the driver what time to pick us up and he said "Ok, have a nice night", and went off into the sunset. This is the start of my story.....

 


We walked towards the door half pissed and went inside the club. A man stood in our way and asked if he could help us. "Yes" we replied "we are here to see Tygers Of Pan Tang". "Who the fuck are they?" the man asked us. We said "the group who are here today." He said "There is no group here today. There is a rugby presentation." We all looked at each other and asked him if this was the 7777's Club. "Yes" he laughed "this is the 7777's Rugby Club, you want the 7777's Nightclub which is the other end of Maesteg." "Fuck" I thought "this can't be happening to me. I don't want to miss this band, they are the dog's bollocks. I must see them." Now I know this might sound old but mobile phones weren't around then, so we were fucked. Our only hope was to walk through the village and keep walking and walking until we reached our oasis.

 

maesteg_rugby


 

So off we went, walking along, drinking cans, arguing, drinking more cans and telling stupid jokes (well I was anyway). We were walking and the heat was unreal. The funny thing was that the name of the Tygers tour was 'Burning In The Shade'. I was sweating so good reason to pop in the off licence and get more cans. We drunk and drunk and walked and walked and drunk some more. We asked somebody the directions to the 7777's Nightclub and the man we asked said it was only a mile away so we walked and drank a bit more until we finally reached the 7777's Nightclub, Maesteg.

 

 

We were there and couldn't believe our eyes. What a fucking shit tip. It was on the side of a petrol station, just off the road. Never mind, we thought, and in there we went. It was very quiet until we arrived, pissed up, farting ,burping, shouting, etc. Me and Russ went straight to the bar and they had an offer on with Budweiser, so I bought a pint of Bud and four little cans to go with it. Me and Russ and the rest of the crue sat down and started to bolt these cold beers down our necks. Twin Paul went to the phone and phoned up the mini bus hire and explained what had happened. Twin came back and told us that he had sorted out the lift back and that the minibus will pick us up from the proper 7777's club.

 


I can remember that before any of the bands came on there was a little disco going and 'Ride The Skies' by Helloween was on. We were all wound up ready to rock and roll, ready to throw shit at people and bite chicken's heads off. After some more Bud, the first band came on. They were called Blue Blud and they were fucking awful, what I can remember, coz at this stage I was sat on my chair and looked like Steven Hawking. I was fucked. I tried to drink more Bud but the room was spinning, so I was taken outside and I fell asleep in the nightclub doorway.

 


1tygersI woke up spewing and spewing, then, as soon as I stopped, I could hear Tygers Of Pan Tang playing 'Making Tracks'. I thought to myself "I have got to get myself back in" but my legs weren't going anywhere. I tried and tried but kept falling over. When I eventually got up I could hear John Deverill say "Thank you and goodnight". To my horror, I had missed the band. I was gutted. "What a fucker" I thought to myself, "I have done all the hard work, booked the trip, took all the money, tested all the beer in case any of it was off and, in my worst nightmare, I have missed the band". I was gutted.

 

 

Ten minutes later, out came the boys and the minibus driver as well. I thought to myself "What the fuck is he doing in there?" Well, he only came back and had a gargle himself at the gig. It was like classic Only Fools And Horses when the bus driver was pissed on the episode 'Jolly Boys Outing'. I couldn't believe that a seventy five year old man watched a band that he had no interest in and I missed the fuckers. The boys got me back to the bus and Twin was missing. We didn't know where he was and then he came on the bus with a stranger. Twin said "Zoot, look who I've got here for you." I looked at the stranger with one eye and said to Twin "Who the fuck is he?" All of the minibus, even the driver, laughed. It was only John fucking Deverill, wasn't it?! Well, I asked him a few stupid questions like "Do you like Slayer?" and "How big's your cock?", then he went and joined the rest of the band.

 


The next thing now was the pissed driver to take us home and, fuck me, what a ride that was.tygersad We were all singing songs and the driver was swerving along, then he hit the kerb and the tyre blew. Now we were stranded on the roadside somewhere outside of Maesteg. We had a look at the tyre and told the driver that it was not flat and that it was a low profile tyre (he did not see the funny side of that joke) so I went back on the bus and, seconds later, there was a flashing light and the police pulled over.

 


"Fuck me" I thought "this is it". The driver was in deep shit. As the policeman helped the driver change the wheel, I noticed that the driver's face was beetroot red from him holding his breath - it was so funny. Twin (who is now a policeman himself) was pulling faces behind the policeman's back. We were all pissing ourselves. The wheel was sorted and off we went back to Abertillery. We finally got there and I fell out of the bus and stumbled home. I went upstairs, went in the bathroom, had a piss for Wales, then started to brush my teeth. I looked in the mirror and thought to myself "What a night". To top it all off, I let off a little fart and followed through. It really wasn't my night so I bailed it out, had a bath and went to bed with no pants on. Fuck me, I love being metal.

 


Zoot's final thought - Budweiser makes me shit myself.