GIG GIGGLES by Zoot : Episode 1 Print E-mail
Written by Zoot   
Friday, 14 August 2009 00:38

Name - Paul Morgan Williams
Nickname - "Zoot"
Born - Tredegar, 1968
Hometown - Abertillery, South Wales, UK
Occupation - Concert True Story Teller
Introduction; I have been a music lover for many years and have been to see one or two bands, so I was delighted when Gaz asked me to write for Über Röck. I am a great lover of thrash and hard rock music, and a big fan of the punk scene which, to me, is important as it is the birth of thrash.

When I was younger I liked early Def Leppard, Motley Crue, Iron Maiden, AC/DC, Priest and so on. Then, one day, my mate Slim asked me down his house and said to me "Listen to this and see what you think" - he put on a tape that changed my life forever. The intro to the first song started with the sound of Satan growling - it made the hairs on my bollocks stand on end coz I am a big horror fan and this music really suited me. The voice was getting louder and louder then, all of a sudden, the drums came in - "Fuck me," I thought "this is so good". I asked Slim who it was and he said it was an American band called Slayer and the album was called 'Hell Awaits'.....

Me and Slim danced all afternoon in his kitchen to the album and, as the years went on, Slayer's albums kept getting better, Def Leppard's albums were getting shittier and Motley Crue.......say no fucking more. So, there you have it - that's how I got into thrash. It was all to do with Slim and his kitchen. These stories I am about to tell you are true stories of what happened to me. If you don't believe me, then ask my mates (who put me up to it!). Please enjoy mutherfuckerrrrrrrssssssss.......  

MOTORHEAD - St David's Hall, Cardiff - 23rd September 1987

Motorhead were in Cardiff and, to top it all, Sword were supporting them. What a magical day this turned out to be....and I mean magic. It was in the September period when nature was at its best. Yes, you guessed it, the magic mushroom season. So, I strolled up the mountain and started to pick Mother Nature's high for free. They were everywhere. My arms were picking and picking and I stopped as soon as my empty Mother's Pride bag was a quarter full.

Home I went, showered, sprayed on some Old Spice and put a little bit of Yardley Gold on under my chin. My mullet was a bit curly so I crimped it straight, put on my ripped jeans, my Rainbow 'Bent Out Of Shape' tour t-shirt and my white moon boots - £9.99 from Shoefayre, reduced from £15. Down the Mitre (pub in Abertillery) I headed for a cheap pint of Welsh Bitter and a go on the quiz machine, waiting for the boys to come. I can't remember who came altogether but I know that Booly was one of them and I told him that I had mushrooms. He asked if he could have some. "Fuck yeah," I said "I have plenty for the two of us." So, after drinking the piss from the Mitre, we headed off to Cardiff to watch Motorhead. We went in a car and that's when we started to munch on the mushrooms. They tasted like an ant hill which has just been shit on by a buffalo. I would rather eat my own shit - which is another story - than eat those motherfuckers again. Anyway, we did it. My Mother's Pride bag was empty, me and Booly were full of the old mushrooms and this is where the story begins.....

We arrived in Cardiff and went into a pub, bought a pint of beer, sat down and started to talk and have a laugh.....all except Booly. "Are you OK?" I asked him. "No" he replied, "I don't feel very well at all."  I asked him what was wrong and he said he felt sick and was gonna pass out. "Fuck me!" I thought. "I have picked the wrong mushrooms and me and Booly are gonna die from some sort of poisoning." I shit bricks. I looked at Booly and he went yellow. I asked him again if he was ok and when he said that he was gonna pass out, I started to laugh. "It's not funny" he said "I am ill.." I started to piss myself with laughter so I knew then that I had picked the right mushrooms. Thank fuck for that!!! Now all I had to do was try and get Booly better. We took him outside to have a bit of fresh air, telling him that walking towards the concert hall should make him feel ok by the time we got there. So, off we went towards St David's Hall to see these rock legends.

When we got there and handed in our tickets, Booly's colour had changed from yellow to green. I laughed and laughed so much - he was like a chameleon. He was all over the place when we got in, so he went straight to the first aid room, knocked the door and an old man from the St John's Ambulance answered it. He had a black suit on, glasses, and a hat to one side like Benny Hill's Ernie. I was crying. Booly told me to fuck off and the man asked what was wrong. Booly told him that he didn't feel very well coz of something he ate - well, he was telling the truth! "Leave him with me" said the old man "I'll look after him", and he shut the door on us. I was outside listening and I could hear these noises coming from the room - personally, I think Booly was getting bummed by Old Ernie but, as long as it was making him feel better, it didn't matter. We left Booly and Ernie and went to watch the first band.... was Sword. They were fucking brilliant! They were heavy, fast and well in tune. Shame they are no longer together. After Sword finished we went to the bar and got a few beers down us. I was off my tits at this point. Motorhead came on and they were brill. People were jumping up and down, shouting, screaming - it was a good atmosphere, especially when you have a belly full of old Mother Natures inside you. The more I watched the band, the more the lights on the stage were telling me to reach out to them. I thought "Fuck it, here I go!" and asked someone for a lift. Next thing, I was crowd surfing towards the lights that lit up Motorhead. I got carried to the front and got up on stage. All I could see was lights, people cheering me and Lemmy looking at me through the side of his eyes, thinking "What's this fucking idiot up to?" I started to run around the stage and run straight past Lemmy then dived straight into the crowd, head first. The crowd was cheering - I was a martyr for two minutes until a big hand was covering my face. I thought to myself "These mushrooms are strong.. What's happening to me? Where did this hand come from? I can't get it off!" The next thing I remember was that the hand left my face and, as I looked, it was a big fucking security guy. He was huge. He grabbed me and put me in a stranglehold - I was now the same colour as Booly. But worse, my tongue was hanging out the same length as my legs. I was fucking dying from lack of oxygen. As luck would have it, there was a fire exit near and he threw me upside down into it, the doors opening with the force of my weight. As soon as I hit the floor, the doors shut and I was on my own in a part of a bar in St David's Hall......

....Behind the bar was this old woman and she was telling me that I was a silly boy and that I should grow up. I took her as a pinch of salt coz I thought I was still tripping. I walked down some stairs and I could still hear Motorhead playing. I bumped into this boy who asked if I had been thrown out. When I told him that I had, he put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a spare ticket. I thanked him and got back in with it, no probs. I watched the rest of Motorhead's set and they were really good. The stageshow was awesome coz I was all mushroomed up. The show ended - shame -  and we went back to find Booly. I knocked the first aid room door and Ernie answered. Booly was sat upright on the stretcher bed smiling. The room fucking smelled big time of spew, but Booly's colour was back to normal. We all thanked Ernie and off we went to McDonald's for some fries. I was so glad that he was ok, but that was the first and last mushroom concert for me.

Zoot's final thought;- don't buy drugs......pick them, they are cheaper.