Good Hooker  - The End Of The Road Tour

We played our first gig at Brynithel youth club and we took it by storm. There were only 17 people there but we didn't give a fuck. We began to play the new song that Will wrote that was called 'Upchuck City'. The crowd went mad - we had 'em by the bollocks. They loved us and we loved them - they were part of us.

After our 15 minute show, it was over - the Hooker was now more famous than the Queen. We left the youth club and a girl asked me for my autograph so I signed it for her in my piss.

We played another gig a few weeks later at Newbridge in the Trecelyn on a Sunday afternoon with another band. There was slightly a few more there including Johnny Hayward, Darrel Sutton, Twin and Greavsey. The crowd didn't know what to think of us but what the fuck.

A month later we played a gig at the Six Bells Workmens Club and it was a mega turnout - it was fucking packed. I couldn't wait to get on stage and show them what I had. We had about seven songs to play for them and they loved it. There would have been eight songs but the boys didn't like my lyrics to a song I wrote called....

'Touch Your Toes'

Come on baby touch your toes for me

Come on baby get this snake for free

I have a hard on

You got a wide on

So come on baby touch your toes for me

When I say I love you

I meant it from my heart

So can I finger you please

And that will be a start

Touch your toes for me you're a rock chick

Ooooooooooyeaaaaaaaa

Can I come, can I come into your life

Ooooooooooooooyeaaaaaaa

Solo

If the answer is no

Just let me know

So I can find someone else

I wanna shit on your chest

Now I thought that was a good song but, as usual, they gave me a fuck off tablet. Anyway, we played the show and we were all fucking steaming after - we were all on the Tenants Extra and it fucked us all up. A month later Will had came up with some good news - he had managed to get us a gig at a carnival in Aberdare Park and we was to back up a band called Preyer. We were so excited coz this band had been in Kerrang. I looked them up and listened to 'Leather And Chains' by them and I thought to myself "we are gonna get bottled off stage big time." The lead singer had a head like a sheep. So, a couple of practices later and it was the big day.

I will never forget that day; it was sunny and we were in a hired minibus mooning people on the Heads of the Valley. We finally got to Aberdare Park and went in. We were asked by the person in charge who we were and we all replied "the Hooker, now let us in." We went in and looked at the stage - it was a big motherfucker and I was in my oils. Sheep's Head walked past and I gave a "baaaaaaa" to him but he just walked past coz he didn't know what the fuck I was on about.

We were all sat on a banking and started to get pissed. I was hungry so I went into a leisure centre for some food and got thrown out for pissing up against the telephone (selfish twats). When I went back the boys asked me where I had been coz we were on. I jumped straight on the stage with the band and picked up my Aria Pro ZZB Deluxe with zebra stripes and started to make her sing. We started off with 'Wild Side' and no-one took any notice of us, except one man who was at the front of the stage jumping up and down and headbanging - he was fucking off it. We then played 'Upchuck City' and the little man at the front was falling over and getting back up - he was really enjoying us. We finished off our last song and, as usual, no-one clapped...all except this little, strange man. Who was he?

We went up to this little man - he was dark skinned, about 5 foot and with very short hair: We named him Japati. After watching Preyer we went on the mini bus and headed home with a stowaway and, yes you are right, it was Japati. He clung to us like a fly on shit. He mentioned that he wanted to kill himself so we made a noose from a guitar lead and asked him to put his head through so he could end it all there and then - Japati wasn't having any of it. All he wanted was love and attention. After 20mins of trying to hang Japati he noticed that we were going towards Merthyr way and that wasn't the way he wanted to go, so we stopped the bus for him and said our farewells and kicked him out on the A465. We never saw old Japati again....or did we?

I was in the house one night and one of the boys phoned me and said "Put on the Welsh news" so I did and I was pissing myself - Japati was on there for a robbery he had done. I was so pleased for him coz all he wanted was attention, love him. Now he's got it in Cardiff prison.

The Hooker days came to an end. We only did four gigs but we was the bollocks and I was gutted when we split up. It made me drink more and more and I still tell the stories to this day about what we got up to on our mini tour. It was fucking great and I loved every minute of it.

Where are they now?

Will - Still lives in Abertillery and still plays drums

Jazz - Still lives in Abertillery and still can't sing

Zoot - Still lives in Abertillery and still writes lyrics

Pacca - Still lives in Abertillery but is now Skull Face

Japati - Fuck knows

Zoot's final thought - I fuck spiders

I sold my Aria Pro ZZB Deluxe with zebra stripes to Pacca a few years ago, I can sometimes hear it calling me at night from Pacca's house, which reminds me - if you want to see my bass check out the mighty Skull Face, this man is the bollocks.