Good Hooker Part 2 : The Search For The Golden Plectrum

I first knew that me and Pacca had talent when we were in our first band, Aggressor. I was on vocals, Pacca on rhythm guitar, Greavsey on lead guitar, Shaun (Billy) Rodgers on bass and Brian (The Snail) on drums. We did one gig and that was it. What a pile of shit - I loved it very much.

I tried not to let stardom get to me too much after my first band so I went into hiding for six months in the Mitre - I spent all of my gig earnings on two pints of beer.

So, back to Good Hooker. Me and Pacca caught the 6:30 pm Henley's bus up to Will's house for our first jam night. We set up the equipment in Will's bedroom - two amps, one PA and a drum kit. Then we were ready to rock 'n' roll. Will, who was the main man, asked us both what riffs we knew and if we had any lyrics written down. Of course, me being thrash I told Will that I had written down some of my own lyrics and asked if he would like to hear them. "Yes please" he said, so I got out a piece of paper which contained the words to a song that I had written called 'Private Ambulance.'

'PRIVATE AMBULANCE'

I AM ALL ALONE IN THE BACK

ALL ZIPPED UP IN A SACK

THIS IS MY LAST RIDE

MY LAST RIDE COZ I HAVE DIED

PRIVATE AMBULANCE

IS TAKING ME TO HELL

PRIVATE AMBULANCE

I CAN HEAR SATANS BELL

THIS JOURNEY MUST END

IT MUST END RIGHT NOW

IT'S A TRIP I CANT PRETEND

I AM UNHAPPY I MUST FROWN

PRIVATE AMBULANCE

IS TAKING ME TO HELL

PRIVATE AMBULANCE

I CAN HEAR SATANS BELL

THE WHEELS HAVE STOPPED

MY LAST RIDE HAS ENDED

WHY AM I DEAD

WHO HAVE I OFFENDED

The boys weren't impressed with my lyrics. They decided to learn 'Wildside' by Motley Crue.

We had a two hour practice in Will's bedroom later that night and we sort of learned 'Wild Side' (our version) - it sounded like a cat being fucked up the arse by an elephant with a 20ft cock. Jazz was screaming his bollocks off, Will was spanking his drums and me and Pacca were plucking the fuck out of our bitches. I knew I was gonna make it after our first jam night. I could feel it in my spudwater. We had put the Good in Hooker.

After our first session me and Pacca caught the last bus back to Abertillery and had a pint in the Mitre. We talked about what we were gonna do when we were famous and then, all of a sudden, the bell for last orders rang - what a twat.

A week went by and one of my mates Coomer had a surprise for me. It was a photo ripped out of Kerrang! showing Pete Way holding up my Aria Pro ZZB Deluxe bass with zebra stripes. I was so pleased with this photo I stuck it straight on my bedroom wall. I knew this was a sign......a sign that I had to write more songs to make the Hooker as big as John Holmes' cock on a Sunday morning. I needed this sign to boost my confidence on my bass playing and lyric writing, so I played my bass all week in my bedroom and started to write the lyrics for my new song called........
 

'ANAL DETINATOR'

WHY DO YOU SCREAM

WHEN I PUT IT RIGHT THERE

WOULD IT TAKE AWAY YOUR PAIN

IF I PULLED AT YOUR HAIR

ANAL DETINATOR

ANAL DETINATOR

I WANNA GIVE YOU SOMETHING

THAT YOU WILL NEVER FORGET

LETS TRY ONCE MORE

AND LETS DO IT REAL SLOW

ITS MY FIRST TIME ALSO

LETS GIVE IT A GO

ANAL DETINATOR

I WANT TO BLOW UP YOUR ARSE

ANAL DETINATOR

JUST FORGET ABOUT MY PAST

I was so pleased with my lyrics. I couldn't wait to show the boys. I now knew that my musical skills were improving and I did have second thoughts about playing with the band again as I knew I could have done better going on my own but I didn't want to let my mates Jazz, Will and Pacca down........

Join me for Part 3 when I tell you about when we played our very first gig at Brynithel Youth Club.