Slayer / Nuclear Assault - Newport Centre - Thursday 15th September 1988

1988 was the year of the thrash. I fucking loved that year; everything was going on and I was cumming in my pants when I found out that Slayer and Nuclear Assault were gonna play in Wales.

When I found out about this gig I went to buy some new clothes ready for the concert of a lifetime. I got on the bus to Newport and went into my tailor's (Newport Army And Navy Store) and bought a German army shirt at 99p. I couldn't wait to wear this shirt, so I thought "Fuck it" and thought I'd put it on there and then. So I did and I felt the bollocks. After a three hour walk through Newport I decided to get back on the bus and head for home.

When I got home I sprayed myself with some Blue Stratos and headed for the Mitre to drink the local dishwater and meet up with the boys before we headed back to Newport. We popped into a pub which is no longer there called The Alehouse - I was in my oils drinking my favourite real ales such as Old Septic Pissflap, Salty Spudwater and Pissy Warts. I was totally cunted. I was now ready for the gig so we headed for Newport Centre to watch these kings of the thrash scene.

We were in the queue outside and I can remember everyone pissing themselves at me catching my own phlegm by spitting it up in the air and opening my mouth (you should try it sometime - it's fun). The doors were now open and the crowd was going mental...or was that just me? Me, Johnny H, Twin, Slim, Bayliss and all the local scum were now inside the centre ready to rock 'n' roll. I went straight to the bar and ordered a round of flat lager - it tasted like cabbage water mixed with zebra shit but I am thrash and just did not care coz I knew that in ten minutes Nuclear Assault were due on stage.

I bolted my pint and headed towards the stage. As I got in Slim was by the side of me and we were screaming and screaming for the band to come on when, all of a sudden, the lights went out and Nuclear Assault came on stage. They started to play and I was going fucking mental. The whole place was fucking bumping. Everyone was jumping, crowd surfing and the odd bit of slam diving. It was the best time of my life. They were playing all the classics, 'Hang The Pope', 'Nuclear Holocaust' etc and I was jumping, spitting and even having the odd piss in the crowd coz I didn't want to miss any of these songs. If I had had a bag I would have thrown my own shit, I was that excited. When they played 'Hang The Pope' was when I went the maddest - I was in the pit going fucking crazy to this one minute song. I was jumping, falling down, people were picking me up, then I'd go back down again, and they'd pick me up again and again. The band finished the last song and went off stage - I was gutted. I did not want them to finish. We went back to the bar for another pint and a chat before Slayer came on. And that is when the fun began.....

I went back into the hall ready for Slayer. Slim was still by the side of me, the hall was fucking packed out with crazy thrashers - it was like having a wank. Then on they came, the mighty Slayer. My pubes stood on end. I was screaming and screaming as they started to play. I was crying. My boys had come to Newport to give out Satanic vibes. Slim was also enjoying himself, he was shaking his head. I headed towards the front but it was impossible - the place was fucking packed with stinking thrashers. But I NEEDED to get on the stage and touch Uncle Tom's hand. I went down on the floor and was picked up straight away, then I went down again and again but I still got up. When they played 'Angel Of Death' I was totally fucked, sweat pissing from me, my nose bleeding, I had a thick lip and my one eye was closed but this wouldn't stop me from getting onstage. I looked by the side of me and noticed that Slim had gone down. He was screaming "Zoot, Zoot - help me!" - I looked at him and then I looked at Slayer on stage. I once again looked at Slim and then looked at the band and I thought to myself "I have to do this" so I made my way towards Slim.....

.......He held his hand out for help and I took it and said to him "See you later, buddy" as I put my foot on his forehead and used it as a stepladder as his head lifted me up on top of the crowd. I was now surfing towards my favourite band thanks to Slim's head. I was getting nearer and nearer, the crowd passing me over towards the front. This time nothing was gonna stop me, not even a bag of shit in my ear. As I got to the front I turned over on the crowd ready to make a dash onto the stage. I was slowly getting there - I had both arms stretched out like Superman. Then all of a sudden a security guy had hold of my 99p army shirt by the sleeve while the crowd had hold of my legs. The crowd wouldn't let me go and the security wouldn't either. Then my worst nightmare happened - my fucking sleeve came off. The crowd let me go coz they thought that my arm had come off and the security marched me off and threw me back into the crowd. I was pissed right off that I didn't get on the stage and my army shirt was fucked. I should have made a claim but I am too nice.

The gig finished and I made my way outside to meet up with all the boys. Slim was a bit off with me but I didn't know why. I was stood outside with one sleeve on my shirt, a face full of blood, but I'd loved every moment of it. When we started to walk back towards the bus Twin said to me "Zoot - why don't you, for a laugh, dive into that bush?" So I said "Ok, no probs" and I did. Little did I know that it was a thorn bush. I dived in there head first and I screamed my bollocks off. I was stuck in this thorn bush, bleeding big time, before the boys pulled me out, laughing their tits off. We got back on the bus and I was black and blue, lots of red as well. To this day Slim still has a Hi-Tec print on his forehead - It was the mark of the Zootster, the king of thrash, the king of beer, the slam-master.

Zoot's final thought - when you are being passed over the top of a crowd, always keep your arms in - never reach out.