A copy of  'Hang Cool Teddy Bear' lays static upon the observation table in the science lab of the Starship Überprise. Lieutenant Steinman looks on intrigued as Spock Rock passes his Tricorder back and forth over the unassuming disc before uttering his conclusive statement, "It's Meat Loaf Jim, but not as you write it."

No, Meat's legendary on/off relationship with Bat man Jim Steinman is, for one reason or another, off again here and Jim is as absent as a truthful bone in a politician's body. Yet 'Hang Cool...' isn't the first Meat album to be void of Steinman contributions of course but in the past the likes of 'Blind Before I Stop' have fallen short of the expected mark in some people's eyes. Not mine mind but still.  And a quick glance at some of the details on the form sheet for 'Hang Cool Teddy Bear' would have even the most reckless gambler tucking his money away safely, unwilling to take a flutter on what, on paper, looks like being a complete Blackpool donkey compared to the Steinman trained thoroughbreds that have preceeded it. I mean, Meat Loaf is now well into his sixties, surely past his best no? Song writing contributions from Justin 'Dinner Lady Arms' Hawkins? And Hugh 'Prince Regent' Laurie knocking about on the old Joanna on 'If I Can't Have You'. Are we meant to be taking this seriously? Well yes we are because, somewhat surprisingly, this strange brew of unlikely talent and fresh ideas leaves 'Hang Cool Teddy Bear' with all the potential to provide the biggest heavyweight upset since that lumbering Russian loon knocked hell out of Apollo Creed.

Loosely, there's a lyrical concept running through the album (yes that makes it a concept album) based around a short story, by Kilian Kerwin, itself called Hang Cool Teddy Bear. A young soldier lies heavily wounded, bloodied and defeated on the merciless desert floor of Afghanistan, his co-fighting friend lays dead just yards away. As the young centrepiece of 'HCTB' drifts in and out of consciousness his dreams take him "Christmas Carol" style to what could have been. Each song taking on a different guise of exploration, looking towards a future of  "What could be", in a life as yet unfulfilled. The job of bringing these "stories" to life, other than a certain larger than life Texan, is in the hands of producer Rob (Green Day) Cavallo, whose Midas like touch behind the desk has gifted 'Hang Cool...' with a breadth of sound that's wider than the Pacific, sending it gleaming and surging like an ocean of silver waves throughout the entire 13 track adventure.  Musically I've found only one weak point for myself. That being the flat line ballad 'Let's Be In Love'. Five minutes of your life that would be much better spent with you visiting http://www.hangcoolteddybear.com/ and being rewarded with a free, far superior track called 'Prize Fight Lover', once you've joined the mailing list of course. .

The remaining 12 tracks are nothing short of breathtaking. With a voice still as sharp as a 'razor's edge' Meat Loaf is stoking the furnace on the Neverland Express from the off, resulting in a furious full speed crash through the eclectic mix of sounds and styles that gives us album opener 'Peace On Earth'. A song which lays the outline of our Soldier's intial plight in the Afghan wasteland "I don't want peace on earth, I just wanna go home". 'Living On The Outside' yells its way through an underdog anthem that would seem right at home being delivered by Bruce Springsteen, Born In The USA era. With the obvious exception that it's Meat not The Boss yielding the out of the ball park delivery.

Lead single 'Los Angeloser' has the Dallas Cowboy dishing out an upbeat country mix making its home in a trailer park somewhere next to 'Midnight At The Lost And Found' town. As infectious a dose of acoustic rhythmic groove that you could ever wish to hear this side of Queen's 'Crazy Little Thing Called Love'. And the extraordinary 'Like A Rose' utilises a peculiar mix of triple tracked Loaf vocals Beastie Boys-style ahead of a Nickelback chorus that sounds more than familiar. It may sound ridiculous to look at it like that but that's what it is and it works extremely well. Jack Black padding out some backing vocals as the special guest on this one.

Love him or hate him, the songs credited to Marmite man of rock, Justin Hawkins, are a revelation. Proof that not all of his exploits are as gammy as his Hot Leg. 'Love Is Not Real/Next Time You Stab Me In The Back' is first to make an appearance. A chunky, 7 minute plus, guitar heavy piece of driving rock, complimented by not only the appearences of both Brian May and Steve Vai, but also Hawkins himself, throwing some of his um "unique" voice into the mix. While 'California Isn't Big Enough For Me' is, for me, one of the pinnacles of the album. A tongue in cheek delivery combined with Justin's bent for lyrical crassness providing the most questionable chorus that Meat's ever hollered, "I can bearly fit my dick in my pants". Maybe not your top choice of lyrical subject matter for a guy Meat's age but hilarious all the same. Even the cringe worthy line of, "I'm no Fred, but I can make your Bed rock baby" doesn't diminish the sheen of the dream (much).

With 'Hang Cool Teddy Bear' Meat Loaf has delivered an album of tunes laced with such bristling vibrancy and life that if you held a stethoscope to your stereo it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if you heard a heartbeat. And while his musical legacy will forever be connected with the word "Bat", '...Teddy Bear' packs a punch that will leave many people's pre-conceived ideas about the big guy severely bruised. It would be easy to level accusations that this move is very contrived, heading towards the twilight years of a career and launching such a radical departure from the standard Loaf norm. But what I hear is the sound of a heavily embraced sense of freedom and enjoyment. So ratchet up your amps to 11 and spend some quality time in the company of an album that will hopefully teach you one valuble lesson. A life is a terrible thing to waste. 

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