Back in the day programs like Top Of The Pops, although largely propaganda for the Stock, Aitken and Waterman poster boys and girls of pop tart dross, occasionally had to bow down and feature the talents of real musicians playing real instruments on a song they'd written themselves (see Iron Maiden - 'Running Free'). But now instead of TV showing what people are buying it just shows people what it wants them to buy. These days sadly all you get musically on mainstream TV is just an endless parade of fuck puppet no marks, more desperate for attention than a pig ugly prostitute offering free blow jobs to blind sailors. That's where Oliver Weers comes in. A contestant on the 2007 Danish version of the X Factor, Oliver has used his prime time TV slot exposure to build himself a blossoming career delivering uninteresting rock music to European housewives who once bought a Bon Jovi single in 1986. Debut album 'Get Ready' was released in 2008 and had a high point, apparently, which was a cover of the Bjork song ' The Army Of Me'. I think that probably tells you all you need to know, doesn't it?

'Evil's Back' is Weers' follow up to 'Get Ready' and the title track kicks things off with a blastwave of mediocrity that launches us head first into an album of dismal "entertainment". 'All My Life' follows in much the same vein. Dull, mundane, lacklustre, lifeless, these are just some of the single words I could use to sum up 'Evil's Back' in a type of quick fire "shit sandwich" soundbite. A real Van Gogh type album, you know the type where you'd rather cut your own ears off than listen to any more of it. The likes of Creed and Godsmack sound like vibrant, creative masterminds in comparison to the plodding muddy hard rawk on offer here.

'Need It Bad' sees Weers at his most radio friendly. A relatively catchy pop rock outing and probably the album's finest point but this short lived improvement is quickly lost with the arrival of 'Beautiful Rain', a mournful ballad with all the life of a morgue at midnight. As the worst song on an incredibly bad album I really do feel it should be given some type of award for its contribution to advances in anaesthesia. A ballad so lame that it even prompted my 10 year old son to proclaim "This is worse than Justin Bieber!" A harsh comment yes but I believe a fair one. 'Beautiful Rain' really is wetter than a groupie's gusset.

During 'Fighting The Mountains' I find myself fighting a mounting sense of boredom. There's no denying that Weers has a pretty decent voice, a powerful mix somewhere between Scott Stapp and David Draiman but I just find the songs and the spirit in them lacking any real (forgive me) X factor. There's not one thing about 'Evil's Back' that excites me. Not for one second at any time during the mind numbingly dull 45 minutes that Oliver Weers warbles on for do I think, yeah I can see what this guy's trying to do. I don't like writing bad reviews, I don't see the point in being nasty just to take cheap shots at someone you've never met. I believe, on most occasions, if you haven't got anything nice to say then to stay silent and say nothing is the best option but I'm sorry, this shit just pisses me off something rotten. There are thousands of bands that struggle on each day relying on their own genuine talent, a dedicated work ethic and finally that all important word, INTEGRITY. Not just leap frogging the competition by jumping on the nearest instant fame bandwagon with a rucksack full of blandness and hitching a free ride straight past Payingyourduesville.

Alice In Chains and Bonfire, a couple of the names that get dropped into the accompanying press release to describe the differing styles that get churned out during the twelve tracks on 'Evil's Back'. To me this seems like nothing more than a cynical ploy to cast a net wide enough to guarantee reeling in a few gullible fools who are blind to the contrived triteness of such an ambiguous assault on taste. Weers shamelessly whoring his way through musical genres of polar opposites in the vain hope of grabbing someone's interest. There are times when you get the sense that there's some sort of alternative crossover battle going on behind the scenes with Weers uncomfortable as to where his musical path is ultimately leading. Touches of 'Evil's Back' break apart to reveal the flourishes of weirdness that Bruce Dickinson was experimenting with during his Skunkworks episode. Warrant's 'Ultraphobic' is another album that I'm reminded of, a "confused" mess so busy clutching at currently popular straws that it misses the point completely.

The classic Clawfinger album 'Deaf, Dumb and Blind' comes to mind. Not musically of course, just the title because whoever thought releasing this atrocity was a good idea must surely be all three. Fuck it, I'm off to where the real metulz at, which is pretty much anywhere but http://www.myspace.com/oliverweersband

Uber abysmal.